In the end it's alright (it's a long one)

So autumn is my favorite time of year, and Halloween falls right dead center. Halloween is a great holiday but I feel like this year we just kind of skipped it. Maybe I need to find real Halloween parties, the costume kind. Maybe I just need to watch a few more Halloweeny movies or eat more Halloween candy. Maybe I don't need to do anything and this year was just a fluke. Regardless, I feel like I missed a huge part of my year for some reason. I haven't trick r' treated in years, I really miss it. Probably the one day that I looked forward to most. That's right, It comes before my birthday and Christmas! Don't get me wrong, I had fun on Halloween night, but I just kind of did something I usually do. Sit around with a bunch of my friends and nerd out with video and card games. I dressed up however! And considering the fact that I only spent a total of an hour on my costume I was very happy with it! I was an 17th century witch hunter!

However, seeing a picture of my costume has lead me to a semi-revelation. I'm gettin pretty fat! This made me think about all of the things I don't do, like work out, or eat healthy. It also made me think about the things I don't really do anymore, like draw, or act, or write (that's right, if you didn't already know I used to occaisonally write stories, never finished any though) or play my viola! This last one bothers me most, especially considering that I've had the urge to play on and off for the last month but I've never pulled it out. Most people would evaluate my life and point the finger at one thing: World of Warcraft. I however, would contest that. I'll admit, it eats a LOT of my time but I blame myself more then the game, mostly because throwing blame on an inanimate object is worthless. I don't even think I should stop playing, but I do think I should play less.

I really need to find some sort of motivation. I recognize what is wrong with my life and where I want it to be, but I can't seem to find a driving force to facilitate the change. Lets bring up a chemistry metaphor. All reactions work in the same way. They have a starting energy, a product energy, and an activation energy. Make a mental graph, it's a hill. To climb up the hill and start the reaction you need your activation energy (my motivation). Once you attain this energy, the reaction proceeds and everything goes as planned. End metaphor! I need some activation energy. I feel like pain would be a good motivator, but I don't know anyone that would motivate me with pain, I know I sure won't. I just can't think of anything else.

On a similar note, I'm very pain intolerant, and I doubt people really realize it. I say this because I notice that people seem to like to cause me physical duress. Most times, I don't mind, but there is a certain barrier I do not like people to cross, and that's head shots. I'd honestly rather get sacked then be hit upside the head, in fact I get very infuriated when anyone causes my general cranial region any amount of pain. Most people reading this probably either already know this or don't hit me upside the head. It takes a large amount of self control for me to NOT viciously attack anyone that hits me upside the head. The worst part about this is that by not attacking, no one notices, and if I say anything they just think of me as being a pansy. It's not so much the case as I just have this violent reactivity to it. Moral of the story, don't hit me in the head, I can't promise I'll always control the impulse to hurt you if you do.

--Warning, I feel like writing a long blog so I'm going to keep going some more--

Here is the "what has chance been up to with his life" portion of my blog, and namely, nothing. Really though, I've been up to sooo much, but it's just all so insubstantial. For instance, I've been raiding pretty heavily in WoW lately, but nobody reading this would care about that. I've been working my cafeworld and my farmville, also more or less useless. I've been talking to friends and relaxing. I've been procrastinating on homework and ending up more often then not, failing to finish it. My Statistics class is suffering, my economics class is also probably suffering, both of these classes have work that I've failed to yet complete and in more then one case is too late to. My chemistry class, is actually going moderately well. My labs are keeping me afloat quite well and my tests are mid range. Mammalogy, same boat. Unfortunately my favorite class this semester ended two weeks ago. I'm pretty confident I did well in that class, most likely B material. The rest of my time not taken up by WoW or class lecture/work is mostly dedicated to eating or attaining the food I'll later eat. It's not a bad life, but it's by no means amazing either.

I miss my friends.. the ones I never see anymore. I hate this feeling that I'm growing apart from some of my once-closest friends. Can't we just stay the same forever? Heh, I'm not sure I'd really like that.

I've got a feeling that, in the end, everything is going to be ok.