In the end it's alright (it's a long one)

So autumn is my favorite time of year, and Halloween falls right dead center. Halloween is a great holiday but I feel like this year we just kind of skipped it. Maybe I need to find real Halloween parties, the costume kind. Maybe I just need to watch a few more Halloweeny movies or eat more Halloween candy. Maybe I don't need to do anything and this year was just a fluke. Regardless, I feel like I missed a huge part of my year for some reason. I haven't trick r' treated in years, I really miss it. Probably the one day that I looked forward to most. That's right, It comes before my birthday and Christmas! Don't get me wrong, I had fun on Halloween night, but I just kind of did something I usually do. Sit around with a bunch of my friends and nerd out with video and card games. I dressed up however! And considering the fact that I only spent a total of an hour on my costume I was very happy with it! I was an 17th century witch hunter!

However, seeing a picture of my costume has lead me to a semi-revelation. I'm gettin pretty fat! This made me think about all of the things I don't do, like work out, or eat healthy. It also made me think about the things I don't really do anymore, like draw, or act, or write (that's right, if you didn't already know I used to occaisonally write stories, never finished any though) or play my viola! This last one bothers me most, especially considering that I've had the urge to play on and off for the last month but I've never pulled it out. Most people would evaluate my life and point the finger at one thing: World of Warcraft. I however, would contest that. I'll admit, it eats a LOT of my time but I blame myself more then the game, mostly because throwing blame on an inanimate object is worthless. I don't even think I should stop playing, but I do think I should play less.

I really need to find some sort of motivation. I recognize what is wrong with my life and where I want it to be, but I can't seem to find a driving force to facilitate the change. Lets bring up a chemistry metaphor. All reactions work in the same way. They have a starting energy, a product energy, and an activation energy. Make a mental graph, it's a hill. To climb up the hill and start the reaction you need your activation energy (my motivation). Once you attain this energy, the reaction proceeds and everything goes as planned. End metaphor! I need some activation energy. I feel like pain would be a good motivator, but I don't know anyone that would motivate me with pain, I know I sure won't. I just can't think of anything else.

On a similar note, I'm very pain intolerant, and I doubt people really realize it. I say this because I notice that people seem to like to cause me physical duress. Most times, I don't mind, but there is a certain barrier I do not like people to cross, and that's head shots. I'd honestly rather get sacked then be hit upside the head, in fact I get very infuriated when anyone causes my general cranial region any amount of pain. Most people reading this probably either already know this or don't hit me upside the head. It takes a large amount of self control for me to NOT viciously attack anyone that hits me upside the head. The worst part about this is that by not attacking, no one notices, and if I say anything they just think of me as being a pansy. It's not so much the case as I just have this violent reactivity to it. Moral of the story, don't hit me in the head, I can't promise I'll always control the impulse to hurt you if you do.

--Warning, I feel like writing a long blog so I'm going to keep going some more--

Here is the "what has chance been up to with his life" portion of my blog, and namely, nothing. Really though, I've been up to sooo much, but it's just all so insubstantial. For instance, I've been raiding pretty heavily in WoW lately, but nobody reading this would care about that. I've been working my cafeworld and my farmville, also more or less useless. I've been talking to friends and relaxing. I've been procrastinating on homework and ending up more often then not, failing to finish it. My Statistics class is suffering, my economics class is also probably suffering, both of these classes have work that I've failed to yet complete and in more then one case is too late to. My chemistry class, is actually going moderately well. My labs are keeping me afloat quite well and my tests are mid range. Mammalogy, same boat. Unfortunately my favorite class this semester ended two weeks ago. I'm pretty confident I did well in that class, most likely B material. The rest of my time not taken up by WoW or class lecture/work is mostly dedicated to eating or attaining the food I'll later eat. It's not a bad life, but it's by no means amazing either.

I miss my friends.. the ones I never see anymore. I hate this feeling that I'm growing apart from some of my once-closest friends. Can't we just stay the same forever? Heh, I'm not sure I'd really like that.

I've got a feeling that, in the end, everything is going to be ok.

Crashed

Well, I guess I was right. I hadn't expected it this soon, but I've collided with my break down. I suppose it feels better now, and I guess a bit of a relief has been given to me. Not that it was ever a real burden, just a worry.. now confirmed.. and now my eyes are puffy, my nose sniffly, my entire face just a little bit itchy. ~sigh~ first time in a while too. I feel bad in a way. I mean hell, I didn't even cry at my grandma's funeral, I actually never really did cry about it. Kind of silly how this would spark it, and sure it wasn't a full blown weep, nose trumpeting, people next door listening in and wondering what could have caused it, but it happened none the less.

It's scary how fast it happened, and it's frighteningly ironic that I was talking about just how unexpected this can be earlier today. I don't even know what to do.. and.. well.. ~sigh~ this sucks.. the worst is this feeling of complete failure, this solid weight telling me "why did you have to let it happen??" Why did I have to let it happen? Admittedly I did what I could, but it still wasn't enough. I don't like this, not at all..

I guess it is what it is though, and I've just got to accept it. I don't want to, but I must, and I will, and I have. I'm so sorry little one. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my promise. I'm sorry I had to let it happen again. I'd like to promise that it won't happen next time, but perhaps I should just promise that there won't even be a next time. perhaps.. this hurts..

Please forgive me...

R.I.P. Zaid

Insomnia? What's that? Lawl

So it's about half way through week four of classes, can't complain on that front. Classes are easy so far, and not that trying, if perhaps occaisonally a bit boring. The apartment is a grand old time. My own room, air conditioning at my will (with only minimal resistance from the other 3), and no real restraints on anything at all. Computer/TV/Music/Sleep as I want it as long as it doesn't interfere with classes. It's really nice.
Down fall.. the walk. It's a good 15-20 minute walk to and from my closest class. It doesn't help that I live at the top of a hill and that campus is also on a rise meaning that (no matter which direction I'm heading) I get to walk downhill for 5 or so minutes and spend the rest of the time drudging up hill. It's not a terrible thing though, it's good for me and I can always take the 5 minute bus ride instead if I feel like leaving a bit earlier to catch it..

There is a problem though.. I just feel sooo tired lately.. and kind of stressed.. but I can't identify any real stressor, not really anyways.

Classes aren't hard or stressful, not in the least. I wake up, get there, stay attentive and learn, or fall asleep and could care less. At the apartment I'm also just fine. I get to relax and do what I need to when i need to, but there's no pressure anywhere for anything.

Sure Zaid is slowly getting sicker and it's costing me more money/effort to try and get him better, but it hasn't really.. well I guess I just don't feel like it's really caused me any real stress.. just a little worry. I'm starting to feel better about it now, he's on a new anti-biotic which has a higher success rate against the bacteria the vet found in him. However, the downside is that I get to administer it orally, which is easier on both me and him, but has a lower success rate.. I just want a healthy pet who doesn't threaten to get worse and die..

I also just felt like I was disconnected with everything today.. it's strange..

I dunno, I feel like I'm just slowly sliding toward something, maybe it's a melt-down or something, I dunno.. i just don't know why..

Ready, steady, go!

Well classes officially started today. I woke up at 7, ate some blueberry muffin tops (thanks for introducing me to such a delicious cereal Jarid =D), packed the backpack, and started walking to campus. I've taken care of all the first day bullshit, all of that syllabus and rules discussion chit chat and such. Found where my classes, so far, are. I even spent 135 bucks on a parking permit for the year. Not bad if you ask me, considering I had to pay 300 something for a permit in the school lot last year.
Started off the day with Mammalogy, the study of mammals and not to be confused with mammology, the study of breasts. I like the professor for this class, had him for Ecology last year. I also share the class with my friend Rick, who although almost more nerdy then I can stand, I'm glad I got a class with him again. After Mammalogy I trecked the vast distance down a flight of stairs and down the hall to my next class, Organic Chemistry. This class I'm a touch worried about. Chem is rather complicated as I'm sure everyone knows, and last year I kind of had to fight to not get a rather low grade. Maybe I'll be fine, we'll see. After that I went off to Biometrics, which is an offshoot of statistics aimed at life. Aka Stats for the Biologist. This is a small class, I mean TINY. There were maybe 8 people in class today. Otherwise I'm not really looking forward to it, math is icky.
After those classes, each about an hour long, I got to walk home, empty the dishwasher and get the sink clear for the first time in probably about a month (only about 3 days that I've had to deal with) and made myself some mac n cheese. Now I'm blogging, watching Wayne's World (sort of) and listening to Passion Pit's "Little Secrets".
I'm in love with this song. I don't actually have it so I've been youtube-ing it and listening to it that way. And I've listened to it a lot. I listened to it probably 4 times before bed last night and I've been listening to it since about 3 or 4 renditions before I started writing this blog. I need to get it so I can throw it on my itunes "favorites" list and mix it in with some other good songs.

And that's my day so far. I still need to go to my night class at 5, which will last to a disgusting 7:45. Hopefully I'll show up there and it'll be cancelled or something. Then I can be a nerd and draft mtg with John at his place! High hopes. I guess I don't mind if I do have to go to class though, I don't really want to pay for a draft.. Well, that's all I got to speak of for now. Until later.

Snakes Stargaze?

So today I went on my first solo vet trip. I took Zaid in to stop him from dying! Yay! Heh, despite that comment, I don't think he was in any immediate danger, though I loathe to make him sit through any pain he was in (if any.. I didn't notice anything that looked like pain). I was checking up on him last night and I noticed he was foaming at the mouth a bit. My first thought, naturally, was rabies. Which kind of frightened me. So I did some research online and found out, much to my relief, that Pythons (or any reptile for that matter) can't contract rabies. I then checked online to see what the foaming might mean. Much to my dismay, it's a symptom of a respiratory infection. Some other symptoms include a popping sound coming from their nose, along with bubbles from said nostrils, general lethargy, and "Stargazing". Now despite the incredibly horror stricken response from the general internet public ("ZOMG STARGAZING! VET! NOW!") I find this term really intriguing. Basically it means that the snake lifts it's head off the ground a bit and points upward, as if it were staring at the ceiling. In other words "stargazing". I feel like this sounds too cool to be a symptom of a potentially fatal disease however.. silly me.

Back to the story. I woke up this morning and noticed that he was indeed stargazing, which made me have a mini panic attack of sorts. So I talked to my parents, we found a vet that works with pythons, and set an appointment.. for 4pm today. Turns out the Vet was in St Paul. So I mowed 3/4ths of the lawn, took a shower, packed Zaid up, and set off on a journey. Traffic was bad in places and I spent the entire trip on what looked like an empty tank of gas, but I made it there just in time and without my car dying! The vet checked him out, confirmed that it is a respiratory infection and prescribed a series of antibiotics. His technician came in and showed me how to administer the injections.. yes injections. Turns out snakes have a low success rate with oral antibiotics because they usually break it down in their stomach before they can absorb it. The whole ordeal took 215 bucks out of my pocket, and the vet, although a nice guy, was kind of annoying. I don't like medical specialists that talk like they're talking to a child, even if it's to an animal. Children being the only exception, you can talk to a child like it's a child. I dunno, it's like "why are you talking like that? He's not going to understand you any better then he already doesn't.." Don't get me wrong, I liked the guy, very professional and confident and whatnot, just not that specific detail. Anyways, now I get to pierce my snake with a needle every day until Wednesday and every other day after that until the medication runs out.

I'm just glad Zaid will be ok

Habitual

How do you fight habits?

I'm curious because I have a few habits that need breaking. Not that I'm specifically asking for advice, it's more that I'm just pondering out loud. I suppose it would be a pain if I mentioned habits worth breaking without naming them. Well.. I'm out of shape, so I need to break the habit of eating too much and eating too unhealthy as well as the habit of lazing around. We just got a trampoline, and I love those things. I find myself getting really worn out after five to ten minutes.. maybe a decent work out? This is one of my bigger concerns, cause I really would like to be a touch slimmer.

Also, I don't want to blow things out of proportion in my thoughts. I tend to dwell on things and make them worse then they are. Whether it's my snake not eating and my thinking I'll find him dead in the cage tomorrow when it's only been a week since he ate or me thinking that because I haven't successfully asked out anyone in a very very long time that I'm always going to be single, I'd prefer to not think that way. Basically I'd rather trade in some pessimism for some optimism.

I guess that's really it now that I think about it..

On another note, it's only two weeks away from move-in day in St. Cloud. Pretty soon now I'll be living in an apartment, more or less on my own! Saturday the 1st I'm going up to get my keys, Sunday the 2nd I'm filling my apartment up with my crap. From that point on it's open invitation for people to come on up and visit! Just let me know if you're interested! =D

Zaid is skittish, and wont eat frozen mice. I did some research tonight and found a couple tips that I'll try and employ over the course of the week to see if I can convince him to eat. Perhaps he isn't hungry, but I kind of doubt that. After all he last ate over a week ago and only had a rather small mouse. Supposedly Ball Pythons are very picky eaters and have been known to fast for as long as 6 months and still be fine. Almost every source I looked up tonight said not to panick when they don't eat, but I can't help it! After how easily Cairo died I feel like Zaid's going to croak tomorrow.. and I do not want that, no sir! He's got to last! Speaking of all these "he's," I really should take him to a vet sometime and find out if he really is a he and not a she. Would be nice to know, supposedly there's no real sure-fire way to find these things out on your own.

To end I thought I'd note that for some reason I've been listening to a lot of songs from the Across The Universe soundtrack and I can't stop. They're stuck in my head and I'm singing along and everything. I liked that movie.

Short Circuit

So there's this flash game I've been trying to find for probably a couple years now that Jarid posted on one of our older forum sites. The game was a very simple game where you had to dodge falling asterisks " * " that moved and reacted to the background music, which is done by Daft Punk. It's a great game and I finally sat down and found it the other day. It's called Short Circuit and it's made by armor games, which has designed a lot of my favorite tower defense games. Give it a try! http://armorgames.com/play/1369/short-circuit

Also, as a response to my last blog (seeing as if anyone is like me, they probably don't look at a specific blog entry after they comment, at least not very often.) the name Zaid is not pronounced "raid" or "Zah-eed". It rhymes with raid but with a Z at the beginning, if that makes sense. As for the comments, I'm seriously considering Akil, but I'm still leaning towards Zaid or Djet, even if they don't sound like snake names.. at least they aren't average people names (I really don't like when people name their pets common human names like Jack or Lucy etc.)

Any suggestions?

So I've been digging around for Egyptian names for my python and I came across a few I like.

The list is basically as follows:
Zaid (sounds like raid)
Djet (Jet)
Akil (Ah-keel)
Naeem (Nah-Eem)

I've decided I no longer want to rename it Cairo, That was a past snake and the significance of the name would be lost on practically everyone these days anyways. The list is ordered based on how much I like each name, but they're all close enough that I'm not sure what I want to name it. Any thoughts? Like any of these specifically? Anything you can think of that isn't up here, has an Egyptian flair, and sounds like a good name?

This Weekend

Ah this weekend, It's been interesting and fun.

I'm currently running off no sleep because I stayed up ALL of last night completely unable to fall asleep, so I passed the time by reading half of the Stephen King and Peter Straub collaboration novel known as "Black House" which started out excruciatingly slow but built up into a furious avalanche of awesome. Basically it's about a 35-year old retired Homicide detective who has to track down a killer who murders and proceeds to eat children in his local town. It's a pretty good book if you can get past the beginning. However if you ever do pick it up I would say you are required to read "The Talisman" first, also by Stephen King and Peter Straub which tells the story of the detective in his younger years and builds the foundation for "Black House". If you like SK and haven't given one of or both of these books a try, you should.

On to another note, I just recently turned 20 and I'm "almost dead," so to speak. I don't feel any great remorse or sense of loss for no longer being a teenager, then again I've always felt that the numerals attached to your length of life and the labels for numerical groupings really only represent how long you've been on the planet, now who you are or what you should act like. I'm 20! So what! It feels good to have survived for 20 rotations of the earth around the sun and I'm glad I'm proceeding into a more "adult" stage of my life, even though i have every intention of playing more video games, magic, and wasting my time procrastinating like all the years before. I just kinda wish maybe it was a bigger deal. I'm not at all excited to turn 21, that's just going to be a pile of annoying as everyone expects me to start drinking and bar hopping.. I have no real intention of that, I may partake of the drink here or there but I don't think I'll get plastered and pass out on my 21st, I'll probably just hit apple bees or something and order some frufy drink that's technically alcoholic but tastes just fine.

Recapping back to friday night, the night of my birth. I had a pretty average day, perhaps it was above average for the fact that I got some nice birthday wishes and such, but it wasn't spectacular really. It wasn't bad, just not amazing. Fireworks were pretty fun, but I've come to the realization that despite the fact that I have hardly a patriotic bone in my body, It kind of bothers me to hear 5 or 6 of my closer friends bitch about what is "american" on a day made to celebrate the founding of our nation. I mean I agree with you all, America is far from perfect and it has it's share of completely shitty problems, but can't you take one day to stop saying "fuck america" for no better reason then you can and just acknowledge that "hey, ya know, it's kind of shitty sometimes, but America really isn't that bad of a place.." I mean hell, at least it isn't like Ethiopia or Sudan, no one is riding down the street with machetes trying to cut your head off because you aren't the same race or religion.. just one day.. america not so bad.. is it that hard?

Sorry to bitch but it irks me a bit and i know I'm not the only one..

ANYWAYS on to happier, cooler things. I got a new Ball Python! I'm freaking ecstatic! This one is going to fucking live! I mean it! And if it doesn't I'm gonna be pissed! Yeah!! It's so sweet too, it's a touch bigger then my first one, a little bit older, hopefully more stable. I really want this one to last.. I kind of missed having a pet to call my own, even if I only picked up that garter snake once every other month or so, or that my last python died within a month.. I'ma feed him a live mousey-mouse tonight! It's going to rock! Only because I really want to see him/her (the shop owner didn't know, so I'll have to do some research and find out on my own) eat a healthy meal. Also, I kinda wanna name this one Cairo too, cause I mean the last one didn't even get to break the name in, but I dunno, I'm not sure if it fits right, even though I've already told my family I wanted to name it that. Perhaps I'll do some contemplating on the matter and make a final decision later. I still want to do something egyptian I think.. just seems to fit for some reason..

Anyways sorry for rambling, I think i do that when I get tired.. heh.. more then 24 hours without sleep, ~yawn~ Later friends!

Makes for Great Dreaming

I was in my basement and for those of you who don't know, my basement.. is huge. It's basically the inside of a cathedral.. except furnished like a normal basement.. just with really, really tall ceilings.. and arches. And so I'm sitting there, on my couch. Everyone just went upstairs. Who is everyone? Well my family I think, maybe there was a friend or two in the mix. I say that my friends were involved because there was a moderate group of people ascending the staircase and I don't think it's very often that all of my family are in the basement at the same time.
Regardless, I was sitting, people went upstairs. I'm not doing anything of any real consequence, not even watching tv. I was just kind of sitting there. Out from over one of the ceiling arches flies a bird, and it swiftly descends towards me. I watch it fly all the way down from the fifty foot tall archway until it becomes level with my head, flying right in front of my face about two feet out. It's a hummingbird.. a really big one. Like the size of a crow. This is amazing stuff, really it is! When was the last time you saw a crow sized hummingbird? I had to show people, right? So I grabbed it! Gently, not trying to hurt it you know? I just kind of wrapped my right hand around it's back and wings. I would have set my finger out for the bird to stand on, kinda like how most people let their pet birds just hang out on their index finger. However when I tried to do this, the bird used its five inch hummingbird, slim nectar beak to thug-whap my finger! Now I normally wouldn't use an expression like "thug-whap" but that's just the best way to put it. He just reared his head up a little, quickly nodded forward, and thwacked my finger. I kept trying but he started to bite my finger, which didn't hurt at all, just annoyed me.
So I decided, "screw it," and just took him upstairs to show everyone this awesome, giant hummingbird I found, that I somehow caught! As I was ascending the staircase, I passed by an open window, the bird slipped free, and flew away.. I was dissappointed and no one would believe me now.

* * *

Later that week, a few friends came over. I think Alison was one of them, cause she introduced me to a friend of hers from college, and I remember thinking that it wasn't the friend she had at her birthday party earlier this summer. Well Alison introduces this girl by saying that she has a huge crush on me just from pictures and what Alison had told her about me. Honestly it was a little offputting at first, but she was really cute. She kind of reminded me of the main actress from the M. Night movie "The Happening". You know, the girl who is the wife or girlfriend or something of the main character teacher dude. Except this girl was shorter, kept her hair in a short ponytail, and was a bit eccentric. Not eccentric to the point where she was really weird, but she just had little quirks about her that made her very interesting to hang out with and talk to. I think that's why it worked out, because after that day I called her, had a great conversation, and made plans to go out with her later in the week. Her name was Michelle.
I don't know why this is important, but my family moved into an apartment ajoined to a grocery store. I don't know why we did this, perhaps it was because my mom didn't want to travel very far to attend the little cooking classes that went on in this store every once in a while. So browsing the food aisle became an activity for when Michelle and I had nothing better to do. It was always an adventure too, because the owners of this store had no real sorting system, and they had new foods and brands almost every day. There were brands of pop that I had never heard of before, some of them must have been foreign. Their names just looked like a jumble of letters to me. We'd run around through the aisles and try to find the most obscure and abstract names or products, like a milk foamer, ya know, like those foamers they have for hand soap? Except this one was to foam the milk inside so you could drink it as foam.
One of the most noticable and interesting things I found about Michelle was that she had a huge collection of colored contacts. So she always had different colored eyes. It was weird at first, but it turned out to be one of those things about her that I loved. Especially when she wore a different color in each eye. I think I liked her combination of golden yellow and crimson red the best. It was really wild and I know it really freaked other people out, for instance cashiers would always get startled when they looked into her eyes, but I really loved it. I think it's because even though she always had something different from day to day, I could always recognize the pattern of her iris' through the changed color. But one day, she came over without any colored contacts in and her eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue..

Then I woke up.. and puked in Jarid's bathroom

Fading

I feel like the summer is fading away, my days are blurring together, I can't tell one from another. I don't know how to fix it.. I don't like it

bitchfest, not to be confused with beerfest

Colds suck.. a lot..

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to complain some more.

First off, summer is being a pest. I don't want a job, but I need one, but the places I try are not hiring, but I'm near broke..

Secondly I'm so bored lately that I could explode, but I'm not really wanting to hang out with people, at least I don't want to enough that I don't want to call anyone, I'd definitely hang out if someone came to me. Call me a lazy bitch, cause I am, but I'm the kind of person that's usually content enough, if bored, on my own so that I don't always think to see what friends are up to =/

Third: I'm getting a little depressed. Not like.. seriously depressed, but just.. I got sick of being single at least 2 years ago, but I don't know what I want to do.. I'm also tired of being on a general ignore list, not really, but ya know.. I'm never the focus of attention unless I'm being sat on or insulted, and although it's lighthearted and you all mean well (I think), it's getting quite old. Now I know Jarid you might think this is targeting you, but it really isn't at least not exclusively, but mostly I'm getting a bit fed up with the general practice then any certain person.
The worst part of all this is I don't want to call anyone on it. I don't want to be "that guy" that spoils the fun and acts like a big bitch. I also don't want to have someone else be the person to say "yeah chance doesn't want to say anything but he really hates it when..."

I guess it's just that time again, when the "pick on chance" game just gets to be too much, I bitch at everyone, and then it stops for a few weeks and starts to build back up.. but I really don't want that.. at all.. I also don't want it to be gone altogether either, cause I know it's amusing and all that, and it's part of that friendship thing to pick on one another and wrestle and what not.. but from my perception, it's completely one-sided.

I'd really like to talk to people about it in person, but there's a lot of people I'd have to talk to, and I think some of them wouldn't care, or at least would act like they didn't. Also, I'm not sure if it's gotten to that point yet.. perhaps I'll start talking about it here and there where it suits me..

Sorry for bitching, but I might explode if I don't, also.. thanks Maddy for letting me know that it bothered you the other day, feels good to have some support ^_^

The Order of the Pheonix

So I've been re watching the harry potter movies again this week. I think I like them more then I used to. An easy and quick way to remind me of what happened in the books, and the special effects are pretty cool too =D. I just finish the Order of the Phoenix tonight, made me kind of sad and nostalgic. Makes me wish magic were real, and hogwarts were real, and all that silly shit that we all thought at one time or another way back when we read those books. Also makes me feel like I'm starting to get old. This has probably been the first time I've really felt so down about time moving forward and not back.. or staying still.. Reminds me of how the series is over now, and how it felt like a good friend of mine died when it ended. And now that's even a few years behind me and it feels like so long ago, but I can still feel it.. aww sadness.. I guess I just wish I had some huge defining thing that everyone talked about that could represent this time in our lives, or something.. I dunno. I guess this is the place and time where we all start to diversify or something..

I should get a job!

Poke'mon!

So I just found my Gameboy SP charger last night and excitedly hooked my gameboy up and charged it for the first time in more then a few months! I turned that bitch on right away and got to playing my Poke'mon Leafgreen. I'm right at the Elite 4, but all my poke'mon are too low to actually get anywhere. I've been painstakingly grinding the right combo for each fight by using the vs. seeker at the top of the bike path outside celadon. It's not horrible, the only issue is I'm trying to get things from lvl 20 to 50, and the trainers I keep fighting only have poke'mon lvls 28-33, which means once mine hit about 32-33 it's really slow going. I dunno how many of you play poke'mon anymore, or the new versions for that matter, but does anyone know a better leveling plan??

Oh and I love my kingler, fucking guillotine one-hit KO! yeah!

gah..

Why does hanging out with people generally make me depressed?? fml..

Sweet Success!

Well I guess this is kind of delayed, and possibly old news, but I totally got a C in Genetics! Thank the powers that be! I was really worried for a while there, but nope, genetics is good, Ecology is leading the train with a B, but I'm still waiting on Zoology. Zoology, however, was the class I was least worried about. Moral of the story, slack off and procrastinate, it works out!! =P

So it's summer now, and I gotta be honest, I'm not too happy so far. Sure relaxation is nice, but I feel like I'm wasting all my days now.. I usually sleep until 2 or 3 or even 4, then I get up and lounge around the house all day. I guess I want to hang out with people more often, and probably get a job so I can actually go do things with said people. I'm going to apply to Petsmart, I hear they're hiring, and I heard from Susan about a possible job her dad might be able to get me. I'd like to be employed, make some money, I also want to have free time though.. but my parents keep telling me I can't afford to be picky about a job. But I really don't feel like I can take any job either..

Also, I'd like to try and use this summer to get in shape a little, I want to try and set up a bar for pull-ups, cause I like those, as well as maybe fix up my bike or get a new one and ride that around. If I did get into bike riding more or less daily, would anyone want to join me?

As a final note, I really like The Used

2 down, 1 to go

I just finished off two classes today by finishing off their two finals. I'm glad it's over and I kind of think I may have done a good job afterall. Which is talent considering I studied, very brokenly, for only about 4 hours last night. The second final was an epic wrist killer, a fancy 5 essay whopper. IT was made of questions like "Why didn't animals evolve wheels?" and "How have humans solved the "Specialization Paradox". I'm rather proud of my work and I hope it gets me an A. I admittedly slacked a little on the last question, but I was running out of time so I kind of had to..

So those of you who tune in to twitter are aware that I need to pass my genetics final with a 62/70. I really should start studying now, but instead I'm writing this blog, and after that I might take a nap, then go disc golfing with my friend Kenny. Point being, I'm taking a break before I delve back into the horrors of studying, but damn I better hit it hard because I need this test to go off without a hitch. I'm even tempted to try and cheat @_@. I never would, but it's a temptation none the less. I'm just really worried. I was a dumbass and slacked all semester and now I very well might just pay a lot for it. I need that test grade to pass the class with a C, which I also need to be admitted to my major. Why does Genetics have to be such a boring pain??

Also I should note that I am very excited to be done with school, somewhat dread trying to get back into the work force, and am not looking forward to next semester's schedule. I've got it packed full with healthy nutritious classes! Maximum load dude. I'm not ready! >_<

Thoughts during a concert

So the SCSU orchestra, including myself, played a concert last night. A good concert. However, the orchestra only played for half of it, so after playing I went and joined my friends in the audience. Despite the fact that the concert was good, what this blog is really about is how I think during a concert.

My favorite part about going to see concerts is that music doesn't need to take up all of the space in your mind. You can zone out, still enjoy the piece, but think about random things as well. I've noticed I tend to think of some really random things. This last concert, for no reason at all, I started thinking about mechanical limbs. What if you lost your arm in some tragic accident but you were able to get a fully functional robotic arm? What would you want it to be like? Personally, I decided during the concert that if I had to have one, one of the requirements would be that it would have to have a full range of motion beyond what my normal arm can already do. For instance the elbow should bend backwards just as well as it can forward, the shoulder and wrist should rotate, I want to be able to effectively scratch my back with it!

I also thought during the concert, would having a spring loaded blade in your fake arm help or hurt? Cause it would be a grand defense, but you'd never be able to bring your arm past security checkpoints, or it would be confiscated by police if they for some reason had to search you. It would be considered a weapon on campus, so either you'd have to hide the fact that there is a blade in your arm (depending on the design that may be very easy or very hard) or you'd have to live without that arm (though you could get another, blade-less arm I suppose.. but where's the fun?).

Also, if the arm with which your non-dominant hand was attached would be better as a robotic arm, would you gave surgery to switch them?? I think the only reason I wouldn't is that I don't think I could successfully play the viola anymore. However if I could, with such an arm, I'd totally consider it.

Good day

So today was a good day,

It was much warmer today then it was say, yesterday or the day before. I got to wake up a little bit later, seeing as it's tuesday and I don't have lab until 10. Said lab was short and easy. After that I grabbed a buffalo chicken wrap from World of Wings, ate that during my hour break between labs, enjoyed it immensely, then headed for zoology lab. We dissected sea stars today. They're really cool inside. They're skeleton looks mechanical, like their some sort of organic machine. And their ring canal (a ring structure around their mouth) looks like a stargate. I also sit at a table with a really cool group of people who are all talkative and like to joke around. We name the animals we dissect. My sea star's name was cannabidude cause he was shaped like a cannabis leaf. And melissa named her's patrick, after the spongebob patrick. I did laundry today so it felt like a productive day. I went to a dodgeball game tonight around 8, but we were creamed 4 to 1. But I've been in such a good mood today I was acutally able to say "well it was a fun game anyways right?" I took a nice calming shower, so I feel all clean and happy. It's just been an awesome day! Sorry to bore you all with positive things instead of the negative stuff everyone likes to read =P

lame excuses to post a blog

Have you ever walked up to a vending machine with your shiny quarters, stared through the class and the display of choices? Have you ever had that gridlocked duel between two splendid choices? Oh how you wished you could just have both, yet the dollar in your pocket could only supply one! I walked to that vending machine, not 20 minutes ago. I fell into this horrid trap, torn between chips and cookies. Oh what to choose! The tastey collection of salts and spicies resting on that baked multigrain sheet, or the delicious crumbling of the chocolate chip cookie? After an age long debate I finally settled upon the cookies, feeling such terrible heart break to deny myself the chips. I paid my due and watched that bag fall, heavy with guilt ridden joy. While reaching down I thought I saw a second bag deep in the cavern that was the bottom of the machine, but quickly shrugged it off as a trick of the glass. I reached in and to my exquisite exileration found that the second bag had been real! And not only had it been real, but it was that very bag of chips I had so hesitantly waved goodbye to! Oh what jubilation to be granted two rewards for the price of one!

What a wonderful way to bring up an otherwise purely pointless and eventless day.

Amongst a field of graves

So I woke up this morning hoping my ecology lab would be canceled, seeing as I got only about 2.5 hours of sleep. I'm glad it wasn't though. We drove out to a cemetery and spent about 2 hours pacing between the graves, recording the birth and death dates of certain individuals. The purpose was to gather a large sample of human lifetime lengths. Despite the "work" it was really kind of nice. It was a great half and half overcast sunny day. The graveyard and tombstones were beautiful and interesting and the recording was, in a way, fun too. The only part I would have changed is I wish it were a bit warmer. Now I feel fine, but at the time I swore my fingers had frozen solid.

A surprising amount of people live to be in their 80's, and I was pleased to find a lady that lived to be 104, her name was Rose C. Bruener and her on her marker was an engraving of her named that looked like it might have been a imitation of her signiture. She lived from Feb 11, 1897 to Oct 29, 2001. That's amazing to me. However the universe is balanced and I found more than one grave for a child that never made is past 5. A little depressing, but I suppose that's how it goes sometimes. More so in the 1800's.

As a final note, green grapes are delicious

A night like the end of the world

Last night was, in short, mystifying.

The power went out over on the St. John's campus, so I got a text from Jt asking if I could come pick him up and bring him back to St. Cloud so he could raid with our WoW guild last night. After a little discussion with both him and Sara, I decided to take a nap and see how I felt about it afterwards. Well, much to my dismay I slept through the NIN presale for chicago, so now I gotta get normal tickets, which although cheaper, single me out from my other friends. This means they get to go in a different enterance at a different time, and I get to sit alone, by myself, most likely scared and confused, trying to make it in the main entrance. So I'm going to try and find someone who wants to go with me, heh.

ANYWAYS, I woke up, realized I missed the presale, called John, and told him I was going to come pick him up soon. This all occured around 5:50, so I stuck it out and waited for Sara to get out of class so she could come with me. We got john, brought him back, and fun nerdiness ensued. Raiding time lasts from 8:30 to 11:30, so that's a solid 3 hours of not moving, and the whole time I kept staring out sara's balcony windows watching it get darker and foggier.

Then the time came to take John home. So we sadle up his computer shit that he brought, and walk back to my car. We get everything loaded up, I throw the key in the ignition, and it won't start. No big deal, sara's got a car, she can just drive. So we haul everything back over to her car while she runs back to her room to get her keys (though why all her keys aren't on the same ring/chain I dunno ~shrug~) and we head back toward's collegeville. This is where it all got fun, for me at least. Fog had been rolling in all night, and it was some of the thickest fog I've ever been in, at least in some places. St. John's is about 20 minutes away down Division, which is fairly busy. No one was out, I think we saw one car all the way there. It was kind of creepy, during one of the thicker patches of fog, John says "this is zombie invasion weather" and he was completely right. For most of the drive we only had about 40 feet of visibility, the fog hid the rest of the world. Once we pulled off the road at the St. John's exit, we came across the thickest patch yet, the lines on the road weren't even visible for a short time. And of course, as always, we get there, drop john off, and the drive back is almost fog-free, cars are on the road, and everything is virtually normal.

I've always loved fog, especially at night. Walking outside I always feel like I'm standing on a small chunk of the world that has broken off, floating in some black void. The end of the world, the cragged rocky shards of earth, looming just outside my feild of vision. I feel like if I were to run off into the night, I would come to that edge and stare off into black nothingness. It sounds like kind of a scary though, but it's not, at least not for me. It was always strangely comforting. Kind of like.. this is all there is.. but this is all there really needs to be..

bloggity-blog

Yup so i made a blogtastic blog.. man, do I do everything everyone else starts? Yeah, I do. Heh

Anyways, so one thought occurred to me while I was making this blog, and it was how the smallest things can piss me off yet the bigger shit never really bothers me long. For instance I just finished this 360 game The Darkness the other day and I looked up reviews on IGN to see what people thought about it. So I looked up the professional IGN reviewer's thoughts, and he made strong points both for and against the game but gave it a pretty decent 7.8 out of 10. I'd agree, I really thought he did his homework and really gave the gave an unbiased review. Well I went to read the comments left by other gamers and all I saw was a flood of hatred. So many people were verbally assaulting this guy for not giving this game 10 of 10. It was stupid how many people got so upset over this! And they had no good arguement either! The basic comment was "Ur so retarded, this game was so awesomxorz! wtf is wrong with you? Bet u got paid to give dis game shit!" It pissed me off to see so many people give this guy so much crap when it's obvious to anyone that he spent his time, played the game thuroughly and gave it a fair judgement. I mean by the way these people were going on it was like he condemned the game and anyone who ever played it. And here I am getting pissed at them for getting pissed at him. People just suck, it's fact.

On another note, I'm currently listening to Cloud Cult for the first real time and they're a very cool band. I probably wouldn't listen to it everyday, over and over, like I would some stuff but its definitely on my normal playlist. I approve!

I christen thee.. Blog!